As we have had to travel on this journey, we thought that we would share some of the things that we have learned through our grief and resources that we have found helpful. We hope that these may be of help to you as well.
The top things that we have learned about grief and loss thus far
- There do seem to be stages that most everyone experiences when dealing with grief and loss, but our experience has been that you don’t progress through them sequentially and cleanly. Instead we tend to bounce back and forth between various different stages (sometimes all in the same day).
- Counseling really does help – whether it’s when you’re struggling with depression, sadness, low self-esteem, or any number of other issues OR after suffering a great loss and dealing with tremendous grief. As the Bible says, “in the presence of many counselors….”
- Playing the ostrich and trying to avoid your grief by stuffing it down inside and pretending it isn’t there does much more harm than you think. And your grief will eventually surface in other ways. Tackle it head on and its less scary.
- Encountering a time of crisis or loss is NOT the time to establish a support group of friends and family. We were so very blessed to have so much support from our family, church, the kids’ school community at CPRS, and a tremendous group of thoughtful friends. Everyone encounters loss in their life, don’t wait to get involved in the lives of others so that you can in turn have support when you need it.
- More to come
Links to important local resources
We thought that it might be helpful to provide a list and links to local and online groups that have provided tremendous support to our family. May they be good resources for you as well. (And if you’re looking for somewhere worthy of your donation dollars, look no further than the first two).
1. Solace House
Solace House is a grief counseling center specifically designed to guide children, individuals and their families through the pivotal time following the death of a loved one. Age-specific support groups are offered where participants are encouraged to share their stories with the help of a group facilitator.
2. Owl Hollow
Bob and Cathy White run Owl Hollow and Abbey and Livi have had some great experiences there this year. Their mission statement explains their purpose and more info is available on their website. “We provide a place of safety, acceptance and healing for children in need; a shelter from the storms of life. We actively maintain programs to bring horses back to health and bring joy and hope to children.”
Helpful books
- “Good Grief” by Granger E. Westberg
- “Grieving the Loss of a Loved One” by H. Norman Wright
- “Understanding Your Suicide Grief” by Alan D. Woffelt
- “Silent Grief: Living in the Wake of Suicide” by Christopher Lukas and Henry M. Seiden
- “Beyond tears: living after losing a child” by Ellen Mitchell
- “Special Care Series” by Doug Manning (4 short books about grief and healing)
- “My Dream of Heaven (Intramuros)” by Rebecca Springer
- “Heaven is for Real” by Todd Burpo
- “Heaven” by Randy Alcorn
Helpful websites / online support groups
Helpful Facebook support groups
- Alliance of Hope support group
- Suicide Shatters support group
The Stages of Grief
From the book “Good Grief”, we learned the general stages that everyone goes through when experiencing grief and loss. No one experiences them in the same way, same order, for the same length of time, or all of them, but we have found from our experience that this is an accurate representation of what you experience.
- We are in a state of shock
- We express emotion
- We feel depressed and very lonely
- We may experience physical symptoms of distress
- We may become panicky
- We feel a sense of guilt about the loss
- We are filled with anger and resentment
- We resist returning
- Gradually hope comes through
- We struggle to affirm reality
Helpful thoughts and advice
“We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, ‘Blessed are they that mourn,’ and I accept it. I’ve got nothing that I hadn’t bargained for. Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not imagination.” ― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
